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My abusive ex is now engaged, and we broke up a year ago. Why is he still stalking my social media? ?
I have blocked countless accounts and he continues to stalk me. The messages have stopped, but he continues viewing my “story”. He threatened to kill men that he noticed I was involved with after we broke up. I stayed very discreet since then. Should I still worry for the day that he sees me with someone else, even though he is now engaged? Is it flattering or threatening if my ex-boyfriend’s current gf has copied me often and stalked me in a nonviolent way?
I dated my ex for 4 years. I broke up with him. The breakup was easy for both of us, and we just stopped talking afterward and moved on, no issues.
A couple of years later he got a new girlfriend. He and I are both 35 and his new girlfriend was 21 when het met her.
She initially came into the boutique where I work several times talking loudly on her phone to my ex on speaker, so I'd hear and realize she was his girlfriend. She even went out of her way to tell another customer, "I'm shopping for a new outfit to have a date night with my boyfriend, his last girlfriend was frumpy, and he likes nice clothes”, So she intentionally tried to bait me for an argument. She even had the balls to sign up to be a part of our rewards system and used her name and my ex's name as a joint reward account.
I ignored her and told my co-workers that if she came in again, I'd prefer not to assist her, and they volunteered to help her instead.
A year goes by no issues and suddenly I notice she liked one of my Instagram photos from 8 years ago then unliked it. I then knew her social media username and noticed she copied a lot of things I do. She got the same exact dog as me, same breed, same color (rare breed) and named it a similar name. I'd post a photo of myself wearing a blue shirt with loose wavy hair and a specific makeup look, she copied my look, the shirt, makeup and hair almost a perfect match and posted a selfie. She also copies photography locations I go to and posts photos of the same location days after me. What would you do?
Dear Stalking victim,
This sounds very dangerous to me; she sounds just as unbalanced as him if not more so! I think you must take drastic action to protect yourself. First, create all new social media accounts under another name, perhaps your middle name or a name he won’t think of. His girlfriend is not flattering, she is threatening. And yes, you should worry about the day he sees you with someone else. I would go to the police station and tell an officer there everything, especially about the death threats. I would ask if I could get a restraining order on both of them, which would also include your place of work. Then if you get one and see them near your home or work, call the police immediately. Keep your phone with you at all times. Bullies go away if they are bullied, and by you being brave and standing up to this, they will look for an easier target. Also, the police should have a record of what has happened in case it escalates. They may talk to them or even charge them, because what they are doing is stalking, violent or not.
So look here's my situation. I need clothes regardless because most of mine are old or grungy but also trying to find something to suit my style. And though I find it a bit aggravating, some of female friends think I need to dress better if I'm to catch a girls eye. More color for one, unique style etc. But im a simple man. I buy clothes that are cheap and comfortable. That being said almost my entire wardrobe consists of black, grey, or dark blue.
For reference, I guess you could say my style is sort of punkish? Like maybe what metalheads wear or even what nerdy guys wear.
Do you have a friend that is well dressed and whose style you like? If so, you could ask them where they shop, or if they would go with you. I think you should only buy clothes you love, or else you won’t wear them. If you like simple, solid colours that’s OK, start with that and eventually add some different colour shirts (even solid grey or light blue or white would be a good addition to have) Go through your closet and drawers and put everything that you have not worn in a year in a bag for charity. Also put in everything that is worn out, stained or torn. Be ruthless. You may find things you forgot you had and that are still wearable. Freshen up any sweaters you have by washing them inside out and pulling off any pills (the little round things) Have a good look at your winter coat and boots to see if you still like them and that they are in good shape. Clean them up if needed. Then start shopping with the basics, since you need new clothes anyway. Start from the inside out. The first time you shop (online is fine if you know your size) get new underwear and socks. Then I would suggest new pants and shoes, and then two new shirts, one white and one black. It is better to purchase good quality clothing because it looks better and will last a lot longer, so spend as much as you can afford on each item. If you are on a budget, make sure to budget in one new item each paycheque or every other paycheque for an expensive item (like a coat or boots) Since you asked, I have found good quality items at H & M, Marks Work Warehouse and The Bay, always watch for sales of course. Value Village, the Salvation Army stores, and consignment stores have some excellent quality clothing for very affordable prices, but you have to take the time to go through what they have to find it. Check tags, anything that is mostly polyester won’t be as comfortable or last as long. Everyone should have one good formal outfit for special occasions, and a pair of dress shoes. You don’t have to change your style completely, make sure everything fits properly, this makes a big difference in how comfortable you will be and you will look better than in oversized clothes. Since you are used to grunge and punk some of these suggestions may seem foreign to you, but your style will naturally change as you get older and it’s important to feel good about what you are wearing. You can also mix some of your grunge and punk pieces with newer pieces. Once you do this, you will feel better knowing you are looking your very best, and that will make you feel more confident which will make you more attractive to others.
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