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Two weeks ago, I took my boyfriend to the hospital because he was acting strangely - slurred speech, not making sense, poor motor skills. They admitted him and he has been there ever since. His symptoms basically are from long term alcohol use. I knew he drank but didn't know quite how much apparently. The doctors have run more tests and tried more things than I can count and have basically come to the conclusion that his confusion, hallucinations, etc.is something that may get better over time, but there is nothing more they can do so they are hinting they will send him home soon. He may get better, but it will be a slow process over several months or more.
Before all this happened, I was making plans to leave him because of his drinking and other reasons...probably related to it. His mother lives an hour and half away and expresses no interest in caring for him. Honestly, she is disabled and would probably not be the best choice anyway. There is no other family to take him. In addition to just not wanting to care for someone in his condition, I also have a full-time job which is very demanding. He has no insurance, hasn't had a job in over a year and no savings.
It sounds heartless and I don't mean to be because I do still care for him and it's sad, but am I obligated to commit to his care? We have no POA or any sort of arrangement like that. I just feel like this is happening so fast and I don't have any choice. Very stressful.
dear dianna says...
Dear Am I Responsible,
No, you are not responsible, the 3 C’s of Alcoholics Anonymous are you didn’t cause it, you can’t control it and you can’t cure it. Alcoholism is a terrible, serious disease and you must get help for yourself, please contact Al Anon which is for people who have been affected by another persons drinking, they will help you make healthy decisions for yourself in the long term. In the short term, ask at the hospital for a social worker and let them know you will not be taking care of him when he is released. Also let his Dr. know. They will know what social programs are available for him. Tell him gently that it’s over between you so he can make his own plans. Be as kind as you can. I don’t have enough information from your letter to advise on what you can do about your housing. If you own a house it would be best to contact a lawyer and if you rent and only your name is on the lease you may legally be obligated to give him notice since he has been living there for so long. Ask the Social worker if they know the rules where you live. Yes, it is incredibly sad, but you must take care of yourself. Perhaps he will go into a longer treatment center or perhaps he will find a friend or relative to live with, it wouldn’t hurt to let his mother know after you have broken up with him so that she can decide how much she and other family members can help him.
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