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I’ve been in a dead marriage for 14 years (got married at 18), the reason I’ve stuck with this marriage is because it was an arranged marriage and I was married into a family my parents had strong ties with. I’ve tried my best to make things work even if it has led me to be at lowest I have ever been. My husband has cheated on me several times and there is no love within the marriage to be quite honest there never really has been. We sleep in separate rooms with no sex in the marriage (my sex drive is really high) and live together in order to keep our families happy.
I’ve known he’s a cheat for 10+ years but i stayed faithful through all of it. Its been about a year and I’ve been getting closer to a younger man (25 M) who’s close to my husband. He understands how I feel, and I genuinely can open up and talk to him about anything. Its been 6 months we’ve been having an affair and i have no regrets. Recently my husband has had a feeling I’m having an affair because I dress well and wear make up more often when I go out, he doesn’t know its with someone in his circle.
I really want children and my husband isn’t able to give me children, but this man has said he will gladly give me children and cut ties with my husband. I don’t want to upset my family by running away with my love. It seems either way I will lose. How should I approach this situation? What should I do?
With or without the new man I think you should leave the marriage if you are feeling so low and you know your husband has cheated on you and can’t have children. Because you have two families involved and they will be upset I hope you can go to a licensed counsellor to have someone unbiased to talk to for support while you end the marriage. Talk to your family Dr. too so they can support you and be honest about how bad you are feeling. You need to set up a support system besides the other man.
Yes, both families will be shocked and upset, I wouldn’t tell them anything until you have broken up and then you don’t have to tell anyone anything except that it didn’t work out. Hopefully your own family will come around and support you eventually. Before telling your husband it is over plan where you will live, see a lawyer and get a separation agreement drawn up, and do not hesitate to call the police if your husband loses his temper and scares you. If this happens get a restraining order put on him so that he can’t come near you. It will take a lot of courage and you may temporarily lose some family members, but I think it will be worth it in the long run, staying isn’t a healthy option. You have my sympathy.
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