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Hiiii Dianna! The past year or so I’ve been feeling like something is missing in my life...and it doesn’t make sense. I am happily engaged, living in a place which I love with a job I enjoy, but I feel like something is wrong and no matter how much I go over everything in my head I can’t work out what it is. I did decide that it was my job and especially the changes to my job with Covid, and I’ve started changing careers a bit but that’s a process. I think that’s the right decision, but it still hasn’t gotten rid of this feeling...I don’t want to change any other major part of my life, what if I destroy it :( so how do I get rid of this feeling? What on earth could it be pointing at?
Do not worry, what you are feeling is very common and you won’t destroy your life. Covid has really changed our lives so much, I think everyone is feeling the way you are to a degree and it will go away once we are past this. Like in wartimes, I think people are also picking up on all the grief in the world. Don’t minimize it, these are hard times. If the upcoming wedding is stressful, consider postponing it until you feel 100% ready. If you felt you needed to make job changes and started towards making them that is fantastic, good for you, that will eventually make a big difference. When is the last time you had your blood checked? Could your iron be low? That would make you feel draggy. What is your dream? Is that something you are working towards? You will feel more fulfilled if you work towards your dream. Are you doing anything creative? We all have creative gifts and will feel flat if we do not use them, no matter what it is take a small step towards a creative project if you haven’t been. You will know the right thing for you when you lose track of time while doing it. Are you getting enough exercise? Are you paying attention to your spiritual health? We are made up of spirit, mind and body and if any of these are neglected you will not feel whole. I figured out a long time ago that I cannot be enthusiastic and depressed at the same time, Abraham Lincoln said you are as happy as you make up your mind to be. Try to be enthusiastic and you might feel better. Make an effort to laugh at everything and anything that’s the least bit funny. There are many studies on the therapeutic effects of laughter, even if it feels unfamiliar at the beginning. Write down at least 3 things to be grateful for everyday, and you will soon feel your spirits lift. As an adult life does not feel fulfilling all of the time, it comes and goes. If none of this helps perhaps you could try journaling. Then you could see what comes out and hopefully you can put your finger on exactly what’s bothering you. Hang in there, it sounds like you are doing great and with a few small changes you will feel even better.
Two weeks ago, I took my boyfriend to the hospital because he was acting strangely - slurred speech, not making sense, poor motor skills. They admitted him and he has been there ever since. His symptoms basically are from long term alcohol use. I knew he drank but didn't know quite how much apparently. The doctors have run more tests and tried more things than I can count and have basically come to the conclusion that his confusion, hallucinations, etc.is something that may get better over time, but there is nothing more they can do so they are hinting they will send him home soon. He may get better, but it will be a slow process over several months or more.
Before all this happened, I was making plans to leave him because of his drinking and other reasons...probably related to it. His mother lives an hour and half away and expresses no interest in caring for him. Honestly, she is disabled and would probably not be the best choice anyway. There is no other family to take him. In addition to just not wanting to care for someone in his condition, I also have a full-time job which is very demanding. He has no insurance, hasn't had a job in over a year and no savings.
It sounds heartless and I don't mean to be because I do still care for him and it's sad, but am I obligated to commit to his care? We have no POA or any sort of arrangement like that. I just feel like this is happening so fast and I don't have any choice. Very stressful.
dear dianna says...
Dear Am I Responsible,
No, you are not responsible, the 3 C’s of Alcoholics Anonymous are you didn’t cause it, you can’t control it and you can’t cure it. Alcoholism is a terrible, serious disease and you must get help for yourself, please contact Al Anon which is for people who have been affected by another persons drinking, they will help you make healthy decisions for yourself in the long term. In the short term, ask at the hospital for a social worker and let them know you will not be taking care of him when he is released. Also let his Dr. know. They will know what social programs are available for him. Tell him gently that it’s over between you so he can make his own plans. Be as kind as you can. I don’t have enough information from your letter to advise on what you can do about your housing. If you own a house it would be best to contact a lawyer and if you rent and only your name is on the lease you may legally be obligated to give him notice since he has been living there for so long. Ask the Social worker if they know the rules where you live. Yes, it is incredibly sad, but you must take care of yourself. Perhaps he will go into a longer treatment center or perhaps he will find a friend or relative to live with, it wouldn’t hurt to let his mother know after you have broken up with him so that she can decide how much she and other family members can help him.
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