My husband, in the year 2005 lost his son (aged 19) in Iraq. At this time my boyfriend was still married to the boy's mother. They divorced in 2007. In 2005 they purchased a grave for their son and for them as well. I met my boyfriend in 2016 and we got married in May 2018. We have no problems. We love each other. He's sweet and all. However, there's a thing that has been bothering me for a while. Last Memorial Day I went with him to see his son's grave. I noticed that there are 2 empty spaces. To make it clear it is written MOTHER FATHER SON. The part under 'SON' is obviously completed. This got me thinking. Even though I know they bought that headstone while he and his ex-wife were still married, it really bothers me if I think about it that one day, he will be buried next to her. I get that he wants to be buried near his son also. I think it would have been cruel to talk about where he will be buried one day, especially on Memorial Day so I didn't say anything. His ex wife is also married as far as I know. As of today, I have nothing to prove that his ex-wife will be buried anywhere else. It may sound silly, but I'd like to be buried next to my husband one day. This thought never really hit me until I saw that grave. What would you do?
I can understand why this would bother you, it’s not silly. It must have been shocking and upsetting to see the grave of a young man killed in war. You were compassionate to not discuss it with him on that day. Your strong feelings about this will likely subside with time and more visits as you accept the things you cannot change. I would discuss it with my husband and ask if he wants to be buried there, and ask if he does, will he share his tombstone and grave with you, if you don’t mind being cremated. You could have WIFE engraved on his stone immediately to match the lettering of FATHER, as well as your names and birth years. If there is any empty plot on the other side of his son perhaps it could be exchanged for the plot your husband currently has so neither of you have to be beside the ex-wife. Depending upon the cemetery's policy, you may be able to have the cremated remains buried on top of the casketed remains of your spouse, or utilize the space provided next to him/her. Many cemeteries allow for multiple cremated remains to be interred in a single grave space. Talk to your husband and the person at the cemetery and go from there.
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