I have just recently retired. one year ago. I hate that I feel like all I do is cook and clean. Other than supper dishes it is mostly my job. My husband does supper dishes and other things so I can't really complain. Help
Perhaps you are feeling like all that you do is cook and clean because all you are doing is cooking and cleaning! That is very common, especially during Covid 19, I know a lot of people who are in the same boat. It’s a lot of work to plan meals, shop and clean up, Make sure you give yourself credit for that and remind your husband sometimes, so he doesn’t take it for granted, Let him know you cooked three hot meals today or whatever the case may be, so he can thank you and not take it for granted.
Is there anything your husband does that you can trade jobs with for some of the cooking? I know one retired couple who take turns cooking suppers two weeks on and two weeks off. How many times a day do you do dishes? Would it be possible to cut it down to once or twice a day at the most, leaving lunch dishes for your husband to do along with the supper dishes? Perhaps you could ask 'Would you rather clean the bathroom or do the dishes today?' This always works with my kids, they always pick dishes. Is there a way to cut down on the amount of dishes, using a paper towel instead of a plate for a sandwich, reusing the same coffee or tea cup and water glass all day instead of getting a new one for each drink? Are you purchasing your favourite dish soap, pretty rubber gloves and other nice things like new dishcloths and towels and a nice dish rack?
Speaking of dish racks, let them drip dry, Studies have proved that’s the most hygienic way to dry them and it saves you a step. Having nice, pretty things to work with helps! Are you taking extra good care of yourself to get through this massive adjustment of just retiring AND a pandemic on top of that? What have you always wanted to do deep down? What did you want to do when you were a child? Maybe you could learn an instrument or take a baby step towards a dream that’s just for you, and the housework won’t bother you as much if you are feeling more fulfilled. One thing that works for me when I have to do housework I don’t want to do is to put on upbeat music and just get it done quickly, Rasputin by Boney M works for me. Above all, be grateful that you have food to eat that makes the dirty dishes.
My Mother-in-law has been given 4 hours alone time with our newborn every week. She’s only 8 weeks old so far.
Anyway she’s pretty 'in your face' and she’s texting me all the time why she can’t see the baby every day. And when we go over today, she complains one day a week is not enough.
Now, I think 4 hours alone time a week is PLENTY of time, considering my family has only met the baby once. So today was kind of weird. She was cooing at our baby saying 'don’t look at Mum and Dad, I’m your big mummy. Daddy says I get to see you once a week, but that will change, soon I will see you every day my little monkey, you hear me every day'.
I’ve already discussed with my husband that I don’t want to leave my baby for longer than 4 hours, and that once a week is all I can handle (especially settling into parenthood). He’s told her that too, and he agrees with me.
Her patronizing comments still continue and to be honest it’s kind of creepy. It’s gotten to me so much I’ve considered leaving my husband and renting a unit on my own. As extreme as it sounds, I can’t help the thoughts I get :/
Am I crazy or is she going a bit too far?
And also when she looks after the baby, she says she refuses to let her nap or sleep because it’s 'quality time' and she wants to play with her. :/
I am wondering who came up with the four hours a week rule?
Perhaps it is worth reconsidering and being flexible, it sounds very rigid and you can't be rigid with babies, things change so fast. It's nice that you have a grandmother who is willing and able to help.
Ask you husband to tell her firmly that she is not to keep a newborn awake under any circumstances, that it is not healthy for the baby.
Would you be willing to split the time so that she can babysit twice a week for two hours? Would you be willing to let her take the baby for a walk from your house while you rest or shower on the days she's not technically babysitting? She wants to bond with her granddaughter, and seeing or hearing her grandmother is beneficial for the baby, which will benefit you in the long run.
Are you getting enough rest? You are a new mother and still recovering yourself, take advantage of this situation and even ask her for more help, perhaps she would run some errands for you and then stay and hold the baby for a little while. Would you consider asking her to babysit one evening a week so you and your husband can do something together?
I am also wondering why your parents have only seen the baby once? If there is a way to remedy that, try to do so, if they don't live near that is even more of a reason to take advantage of your mother in laws offer to help more, because in the future you may need more help. If there is an emergency, the baby will have someone she knows to take care of her. The baby will grow up loving and having a special relationship with all of her grandparents, including yours. The more people that love her, the better it is for her. Ignore the silly things your Mother-in-Law says, she raised your husband successfully! And be careful not to harm the relationship between your husband and his mother. Try to be grateful, tell her exactly what she can do to help, life is short and you will all miss her when she's gone.
Long story short I bought almond milk because I realized cow milk makes my skin breakout and I'm taking baby steps to remove all dairy products from my diet. He's allergic to tree nuts and he got mad because I brought some and he's been ignoring me all day. He said I might kiss him by accident, but if he's that concerned, I will rinse my mouth out every time I consume it to be on the safe side. Keep in mind I'm not forcing him to drink it and I'm not going to be using it in any recipes, just drinking and eating cereal. Do you think he's being self centred right now? Or am I wrong?
I'm still going to buy him 2% milk because that's what he drinks but I'm honestly confused why he's mad.
The 2% milk was already in the house and I was just trying out my options. He's doesn't have a severe reaction, only if he eats/drinks the tree nuts.
You are wrong. He is angry because he is afraid of an allergic reaction and rightfully so. If he can't be around almonds or any type of nuts, they shouldn't be in the house. He knows how bad his allergy is. Would you be willing to try a non-nut type of milk? If not, make an appointment with the family doctor that you both attend to get more information. His feelings are hurt because he thinks you don't care about him. Nut allergies can be deadly. Get rid of the almond milk.
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