Told my MIL about the baby shower I envisioned. I wanted both sides of our families to attend the baby shower at my family residence because there is more space. Surprisingly, my MIL said she was having a baby shower also just her immediate family only. Has baby shower decorations finished & ready to go. She never mentioned to me anything or even asked what I thought about it or how I pictured I would have liked my baby shower. I mentioned to her that is nice and all but want to have one event only with both sides of the family come. She kept saying we are having one here. Second time I told her again the same thing. But still didn’t refuse. I told my husband that he to talk to his mom about this and I didn’t approve of it. It seemed like she said okay. Two days later I thought & believing it was settled and over with I asked my husband to ask his mom of how many people she wanted to invite to get the cake order in and other stuff. Shockingly she said that it was not necessary, and she was doing her own shower. I was appalled and upset. To add more fuel, she said I have been waiting for this day, I'm a proud grandma and I want to throw a shower for my baby. I felt she disrespected me, does not value me as a DIL and crossed my boundaries. Now it created tension between my husband and I because he wants to make his mother happy but completely betrayed me and showed me no support. He even stated he won’t be going to my shower unless I go to his mothers also.
You are a very lucky person to have two baby showers, a lot of people don’t even get one! The purpose of the baby shower is to shower the baby with gifts so that the baby is all set up. Baby showers are not supposed to be given by the expectant mother. Having someone host a shower for you is an honour. This is why I think you are butting heads with your mother-in-law, because you are going against etiquette and tradition. Your mother-in-law has gone all out for you, even making decorations and taking care of all the food, I was very grateful when people did that for me. The size of her house does not matter in the least. If you have a sister or someone on your side of the family that would like to throw you another baby shower at your house, have it exactly how you want it. I don’t think your mother-in-law disrespected you, does not value you as a daughter in law or crossed any boundaries. For her to say she has been waiting for this day is not adding any fuel to a fire, of course she is excited about the baby, and that’s lovely. There is tension between you and your husband because you have put him in a bad position, he loves you and his mom, and the tension is also not good for your baby. So yes, you can feel however you want about it but remember feelings are not facts, no one is harming you, and if you drop this and attend her shower with good manners it will go a very long way in restoring family harmony. There will be plenty of time (perhaps the baby’s first birthday) when you can have both families over to your big house, order whatever cake you want and have everything your way. For the baby’s sake calm down and accept your mother in laws shower invitation and attend with a little gratitude.
Is it bad manners to shorten a person's name when you have introduced yourself to that person using the correct pronunciation of your name?
Just one person, with whom I work, decided to call me Maggie and several others tried calling me Peggy. Both are derivatives of my actual name (which they knew). How would you ask them to use your actual name? I use all their names correctly and always will do that unless or until they ask me to call them anything different. I see no point in their asking me what my name is if they then intend to shorten it. I would never use the shortened version of a person's name unless they asked me to do that.
You would say with a smile “please call me Margaret, I don’t like the short forms” and repeat as often as needed. It is not really bad manners, it’s nothing to get defensive about.
My wife is 10 weeks along she has been having really bad nightmares about me dying in a car crash. That won't happen because I don't drive neither of us do my friend or her brother drives us. She had pretty much the same nightmare about her ex-husband for nearly a year, when she was still married to him he died in a car accident at the end of the year in December a week after his 24th birthday it was just a freak accident that her brothers friend caused it wasn't her fault she keeps blaming herself for it. She felt really guilty she put her 8-year-old son through that he's now 9 going on 10 she's been really depressed over it for the past two years she said they're starting to come back only they're about me this time. She's been waking me up at night last night she woke up screaming I feel out of bed because she scared me, she thought I was mad at her, but I wasn't. How can I comfort her through this? What should I say to her?
I feel so sorry for your poor wife. She hasn’t recovered from the shock and trauma of her first husband’s death and may have PTSD. Now that she is pregnant, she might feel more fearful and have more nightmares. An appointment with your family Dr. would be a good place to start in case she is clinically depressed and needs treatment, especially since she is pregnant. Has she been to any support groups for grief? She needs to see a grief or bereavement counsellor. Your funeral home will be able to help you, and many have a sliding scale to make it affordable. You can comfort her by attending the appointments with her, and you can do everything you can to help take care of her son, staying calm, giving her lots of hugs and flowers, and starting to plan for the new baby. The sooner she gets help for this the sooner she will feel better, but it’s not something you can fix by yourself. Congratulations on your new baby, in my opinion that will help her more than anything.
I am 30 and still live with my dad and stepmom. For a while I decided I am not going to get the COVID shot because I have seen in the news a lot of people dying from the shot, it will not help, and I am Christian so Jesus will keep me safe. Also, my parents and stepsister won’t get the shot because of those reasons. My mom got the shot. Now I am thinking that I should get the shot. I told and asked my stepmom and dad about getting the shot and they say no. I have to convince them to let me get it. If I just go get the shot by myself they can easily find out that I got the shot.
I don’t know what news you are watching but it’s not accurate, many more people are living because of the vaccine. It will help, it will give you immunity against a terrible illness, and could save your life. Being Christian on its own will not keep you safe. Think of it this way, God gave some people the gifts and the skills to be Dr.s and scientists and we should listen to them. You are a 30-year-old adult, and you should not be asking your step mother and father about this, it’s an adult decision. You do not have to convince them to get it, don’t even tell them. They can’t find out that you got the shot, its’ confidential and none of their business. If they do find out tell them you are not discussing it. It sounds like they are controlling your life and that you are afraid of them. At your age you shouldn’t be afraid to tell them anything because you are an adult. Please make an appointment to talk to your family Dr. or your mom or another adult you trust and let them know how you feel, and to make a plan to move, even if it takes time. If it’s possible to move in with your mom I think you should, even if it’s temporary until you can figure out where to live next. The living arrangements you have now do not sound healthy.
My husband said he needs a lot of time to deal with my affair before he comes back home. How do I deal with the feelings of intense loneliness? How do I cope? I didn’t expect this to happen.. it started off with me just craving a friend after me and my husband were fighting constantly over money issues.. I realized that we should have seen a therapist before it got so bad.. I can’t stop thinking about him and nights and weekends are the loneliest.. I never had feelings for the other man.. just was a way to escape from my stressful finances.. the pain of my husband being gone is so bad sometimes I feel I can’t breathe..
Well, you didn’t expect the situation to happen, but you let it happen or made it happen. Your husband is very angry, he may never forgive you. You cope by learning from this and become a better person who does not have affairs when you are married, and by seeing a licensed therapist to find out why you ended up having sex with another man you do not even care about.
So, I was raised Christian but I'm not religious anymore and neither is most of my family. My fiancé’s family however are devout Catholic Italian and I really don't want to inconvenience or disrespect them by getting married on Christmas eve. However, the day of Christmas eve is a very special day for me and my fiancé for reasons other than the holiday and it would mean a lot for us to have our anniversary on that day. What do you think?
I think it would be wonderful to get married on Christmas Eve, I had an Uncle and Aunt who did. They all went to church for the Christmas Eve service and stayed for the wedding. It’s your wedding, so if that is what you and your fiancé want then go for it. There may be some grumbling from his family that you will have to be prepared to ignore. Congratulations and best wishes!
Hey, I currently deliver food, so I frequently visit the same restaurants (like more than once in the same day). At one place in particular I find myself very attracted to one of the workers. I've complimented her on her necklace & hair. I've even asked for her name. During all of those instances she responded well? Of course, I realize she could be just being friendly because it's a part of the job. How do should I move going forward? I've also been single for three years. So, I'm genuinely just ok with being friends. I haven't socialized much lately either. Should I go from that angle? More importantly I'm a woman as well and I don't know if she's a lesbian. How to go about this while she's at work?
The only way to get to know her better is to talk to her, so you will have to be courageous. One idea I had was to say you are picking up coffee (or tea or whatever) on your way to her restaurant and ask if you can get her one. You could also ask her when her lunch or supper break is and if she’d like to get together then. Would you give her your number and ask her to text or call when she’s not busy working? If you can start a casual friendship the rest will follow. The best way to make a friend is to be a friend, and it sounds like you are part way there already. Let me know what happens!
My car died in March, and I am using my 18-year-old son's Ford Ranger until the end of the school year so I can save up some money for a new car. My son is fine with me using the truck while he is in school, but is complaining because I drive, he and my 13-year-old daughter to school each morning and he has to ride in the middle between us. He thinks he should always drive when he is in it and never have to ride between his mother and sister. I think I am being fair because I let him drive home from school every afternoon and try to let him use it as much as possible on the weekends when me and my daughter don't have to go somewhere. I don't think it is fair for my daughter to have to always ride in the middle and feel it is safer for me to drive in the morning since we are usually in a hurry. I helped my son buy the truck and paid for about 1/3 of it since he was going to help drive his sister around. Do others think I am being fair and reasonable with my son or that I am being unfair and unreasonable and should let him drive all the time. I am getting really tired of hearing my son keep complaining when I am doing the best I can and feel I am being fair and reasonable. Do others think I am being fair and reasonable or that he has valid points and I should let him drive it whenever he is in it?
He has some valid points, let him drive, it’s 2/3 his truck. Get up a little earlier so the mornings aren’t as rushed, or all three of you get a few more things ready the night before. If your daughter wants a ride, she should not complain about sitting in the middle, it beats walking. He’s probably embarrassed showing up at school sitting between his mother and sister. Let him grow up, you are not being reasonable.
Is this encounter my 2-year-old son was going to people front yard house and it’s not appropriate, so the lady was upset with my wife and I? Said don’t walk in our property we get nervous. My kid doesn’t know yet he plays around with his bike I know some people are narrow minded while others are humble. So, is this normal react or is this a hostile? Those people sound crazy to me. My wife said apologize anyways.
I don’t think she is hostile or crazy, but she does sound a little nervous. Maybe she is afraid something will happen while he is on her property and she will be legally responsible. Was your son supervised? A two-year-old must always be supervised. It’s not his fault but it is her property and she doesn’t’ want him on it. I agree with your wife, it wouldn’t hurt to apologize for making her nervous and let her know he won’t be playing there again. Put a fence or bushes or something along the property line so your son knows where he can play, and gently keep steering him away from her yard and tell him he can’t play there. Since you have to live near these people don’t become defensive about this, keep your son off of their property and smile and say hello when you see them. It’s not an issue unless you make it one.
I just found out she never eats lunch and she's been saving up the money to buy things like false nails, thongs, crop tops, padded bras and other things I won't buy for her. She's only 11. She'll skip breakfast and just drink coffee, not eat anything all day at school, get home at 5 and eat whatever I've cooked, then she'll stay up at night and cook things like ramen noodles, tomato soup and things like that. Can I put a stop to this!? She's too young to be living such an un-wholesome lifestyle.
Your letter brings back memories, at that age I used my milk money to take the city bus to school every day or spent it on chocolate bars. Your daughter is growing up, 11-year old’s can be quite mature not to mention hormonal. I think she needs to earn money so she can buy the same things the other girls are buying (within reason, they must be appropriate) and have money for lunch. Are there any jobs she can do for you for cash? Can she take a babysitting course and start babysitting? Could she pet sit or deliver papers? You should take her shopping for clothes and meet her halfway with some pretty bras and underwear, and some things to take care of her own nails. You have to let her grow up, but you also still get to put a stop to cooking after supper. I told my kids the kitchen was closed after supper, no more cooking, dishes etc. If she is starving, she can make a sandwich or have an apple, but they clean up after themselves. If you don’t want her eating ramen noodles, stop buying them. Talk to her about the school meals, maybe she doesn’t like them, and she would rather take some healthy food from home. As for breakfast, tell her no coffee until she has something else, even a Carnation instant breakfast or some toast. Decide on your own house rules and stay firm about them, but also let her try the popular fads with the other kids, most of them will be short phases.
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