Told my MIL about the baby shower I envisioned. I wanted both sides of our families to attend the baby shower at my family residence because there is more space. Surprisingly, my MIL said she was having a baby shower also just her immediate family only. Has baby shower decorations finished & ready to go. She never mentioned to me anything or even asked what I thought about it or how I pictured I would have liked my baby shower. I mentioned to her that is nice and all but want to have one event only with both sides of the family come. She kept saying we are having one here. Second time I told her again the same thing. But still didn’t refuse. I told my husband that he to talk to his mom about this and I didn’t approve of it. It seemed like she said okay. Two days later I thought & believing it was settled and over with I asked my husband to ask his mom of how many people she wanted to invite to get the cake order in and other stuff. Shockingly she said that it was not necessary, and she was doing her own shower. I was appalled and upset. To add more fuel, she said I have been waiting for this day, I'm a proud grandma and I want to throw a shower for my baby. I felt she disrespected me, does not value me as a DIL and crossed my boundaries. Now it created tension between my husband and I because he wants to make his mother happy but completely betrayed me and showed me no support. He even stated he won’t be going to my shower unless I go to his mothers also.
You are a very lucky person to have two baby showers, a lot of people don’t even get one! The purpose of the baby shower is to shower the baby with gifts so that the baby is all set up. Baby showers are not supposed to be given by the expectant mother. Having someone host a shower for you is an honour. This is why I think you are butting heads with your mother-in-law, because you are going against etiquette and tradition. Your mother-in-law has gone all out for you, even making decorations and taking care of all the food, I was very grateful when people did that for me. The size of her house does not matter in the least. If you have a sister or someone on your side of the family that would like to throw you another baby shower at your house, have it exactly how you want it. I don’t think your mother-in-law disrespected you, does not value you as a daughter in law or crossed any boundaries. For her to say she has been waiting for this day is not adding any fuel to a fire, of course she is excited about the baby, and that’s lovely. There is tension between you and your husband because you have put him in a bad position, he loves you and his mom, and the tension is also not good for your baby. So yes, you can feel however you want about it but remember feelings are not facts, no one is harming you, and if you drop this and attend her shower with good manners it will go a very long way in restoring family harmony. There will be plenty of time (perhaps the baby’s first birthday) when you can have both families over to your big house, order whatever cake you want and have everything your way. For the baby’s sake calm down and accept your mother in laws shower invitation and attend with a little gratitude.
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