My wife recently had surgery and had a rough time when she went home from the hospital. I took care of my wife and helped her through the tough time she had as well as trying to keep things as normal as possible for our two young children. I was busy. Apparently, I angered my wife’s control freak of an older sister because I didn’t call her with a daily update. I was supposed to be calling her dad and not her. My wife talked to her dad right after she woke up from the operation to let her know she was fine. I didn’t call her dad because I was busy dealing with everything. I am sorry for that. My wife’s sister thought I was cutting off access to my wife and got pushy my wife and me. She and I got into a verbal battle during her visit to our home because I questioned her respect for us. She snapped and started crying and screaming and told me my being busy was not good enough of an excuse for not calling her. She angrily left our home. I told my wife what happened and apologized to her for all of this. My wife told me this fight was probably going to happen because that her sister talked a whole bunch of trash to her about me and did this in front of her family at a party. Some of her family told her to calm down because I was busy being a husband and a dad. I am really ticked off at my wife’s sister and I don’t care if she is hurt by what happened. But now she is not talking to my wife who is still recovering from surgery because of it. What should I do?
It sounds to me like your sister-in-law has some issues regarding controlling her emotions and boundaries. I am sorry you had to go through a family argument at such a stressful time. Taking care of someone during surgery and recovery is hard enough let alone doing that while taking full time care of two young children. Your sister-in-law was out of line, it sounds like your wife’s illness and surgery really scared her but that is no reason for her to come over to your house and scream at you. That was also the last thing your poor wife or children needed! If your sister-in-law talks trash about you your wife needs to shut her down, when she is feeling up to it of course. There is absolutely no reason for her to stop talking to your wife, your wife didn’t even do anything. I think you should both enjoy the peace and quiet while she isn’t speaking to you, and give it time for her to calm down and for your wife to recover. I am glad some of your in laws are sticking up for you. Stay civil the next time you see her and let bygones be bygones, and when your wife has recovered enough and wants to discuss all of this with her, she can. If you think it will help, apologize to her for your part in the argument and for not calling your father-in-law sooner. You could do this in an email, just to keep the peace for the sake of family harmony. Try to drop any grudges and hurt feelings, she was acting out of fear and was unreasonable.
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