I am writing to you for advice. I am always trying to please my family. I moved away from kids because they didn't want to move out. We even started on 3rd generation. As a single mom I was getting very tired looking after 5 kids (4 of them in their 20's). I may add I moved to a different city as to not be so readily available or be accessible as easy. I now find myself feeling guilty that I don't see them often and cannot be there when I should be. I might add I recently was diagnosed with a major illness, this playing a huge affect on my health. How do I play out these guilty feelings?
I can imagine you were getting very tired! Because your kids are now adults, the way you get rid of the guilty feelings is through self talk. Do not allow yourself to feel guilty about this. Keep telling yourself they are grown adults and will be OK, and even if an emergency arises, they will be able to figure it out like we all did when we grew up. They are adults, nothing has really changed except you now have your own place, which you deserve. Your love for them is still the same. Keep loving them and if they mention any issues reassure them that you are not far and always just a phone call away and keep encouraging them that you have full confidence in them to live their own lives and make good decisions. If you are a spiritual person, surround them in white light in your mind and remember they have their own guardian angel and ancestral guide. It all feels strange because it is a big change, and you have an empty nest, but it will slowly start to feel normal. You haven’t done anything wrong and have nothing to feel guilty about, now that your health isn’t as well as it was it is time for the tables to turn and for them to start thinking about you, and what they can do to make your life easier and more enjoyable. If they have any hard feelings that can’t be discussed calmly then I would suggest going to a family counsellor rather than try to work it out yourself while you are not feeling your best.
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